Category Archives: Voice Over

Acting is Hard, man

15 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by in Voice Over

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

One of my biggest flaws is overthinking, and when I’m on the spot I can easily end up in a loop, the noise in my head overwhelming what I have in me to say.

I left last week’s voice acting class really off balance.  Who knows what really put me off balance from the get-go. Stress, hunger, having  a meh week, a lot on my mind…  I try to clear all that from mind before class but I’m not always successful.  So I try not to let it take over when I need to get to work.

And it’s a really peculiar state to be in, when you perform and everyone else likes what you did, but you’re not sure.  You don’t think you liked it, but it’s hard to say, it’s hard to feel anything for sure except uncomfortable.

There are all those aphorisms about doing one thing that scares you every day.  All over the Web there are versions of this image that visualizes the idea that growth and success are outside of one’s comfort zone.comzone

And it’s more or less true. Reaching out of the usual, the (relatively) easy, the comfortable is the only way to get to a new and better place.  As an artist this is essential for growth, and in the arts growth = improvement.

But of course that means spending a lot of time afraid and uncomfortable.  And who wants to be afraid and uncomfortable most of the time?  I have anxieties enough without inviting more!

Happily I’m not on the verge of panic any more.  Anxiety makes my view of the world narrow down until all I can see and think is how much I suck and I hate myself and what I should do to myself… etc. And part of what gets shut out as the view narrows down is my training, my belief in myself, and the very spirit I have in me to play and to create and to act.

Nurturing that spirit is harder than it sounds.  It’s not terribly respected or understood (it’s kid’s stuff, not suited for adults, in particular not suited to adults who want to get paid), and it requires completely different muscles from the ones I use to navigate most of my life.  But it’s all I want to do.  Creating and acting is so fun and satisfying that it often very effectively quiets my anxieties and comforts me when I feel down.  It’s so clear to me that this is what I’m supposed to be doing, even though it’s scary.

Advertisement

Un-thinking

22 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by in Voice Over

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

I’m feeling some stage fright.

Well sort of. It doesn’t seem to be as petrifying as I remember the stone cold grip on my lungs was when I stood in the wings waiting for my cue.  But I’m still nervous.

I know it’s because I’m caught up thinking about how I’m going to impress people who have deeply impressed me.  And I’m likewise caught up in being convinced that I’ll never impress them, only disappoint them.  I won’t disappoint myself, I already know I’m a loser.

I’ll just irritate myself and that’ll set off despair at myself and then I’ll lie around wondering what point there is in getting up and attempting anything.

Do I get ahead of myself?  Yeah, of course, that’s overthinking things in a nutshell.  Not only am I already thinking ahead, past my inevitable failure, but I’m skipping over the part where I am present to the work that I am doing while I’m doing it.

Performing has little do with thinking. I’ve already written about that. Thinking helps set things up but does not do the performing.  My thinking muscle is very strong.  I’ve worked it out every single day since I was wee thing.  But my performing muscle is flabby.  Sometimes I pay careful, persistent attention to it, sometimes I ignore it. Every day problems come up that need attention from the thinking muscle and they eclipse the opportunity to workout the performing muscle.  And then along comes a problem, or really the chance to show off, that only the performing muscle can handle.

But sort of like instinctively lifting with your back instead of your legs (and subsequently hurting yourself), the thinking muscle wants to jump in and plan out All the Things, including failing at what it is no good at.

Performance is play. It’s in the body and the soul.  Thought keeps it all together, so I don’t just flop around and scream incoherently, but the impact of performance is created by physical effort and inspiration.  There is no anticipation there, no planning ahead, just doing.  Just right now.

And it’s frightening.  I’m used to relying on thought to help me through everything.  Performing feels like heading out on a tightrope – if I start to tip over how will I keep from falling??  But again, that’s only a concern because thought won’t help.  Performing will.  It sounds weird to say performing saves performing, but… well, what else is there?  If I stay centered in what I’m doing – performing – I won’t lose my balance.

Shhh, thought. I’m doing something.

Out on a Limb

24 Friday Jul 2015

Posted by in Voice Over

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

I don’t do things that scare me or make me uncomfortable too very often.  I keep meaning to fix that, but I’m so busy with all the things that are inside my comfort zone I often forget to go ahead and take a chance on something Out There.

And I mean, everyone is full of the “do one thing that scares you every day” like that’s so easy.  Like there aren’t really good reasons for why it’s scary.  You’re being told to take risks, to gamble and take chances – the people who tell you that certainly aren’t the ones who are going to take the financial hit or lose the relationship or damage their health if things don’t work out.

But still.  There is no growth without losing some skin, right?  The world you have built up around you was once scary itself, and eventually became the status quo, also became the stagnation trapping you in place.  At least that’s how it tends to go for me.

I was thinking about this last night, sitting on a workout-type paid-hangout-with Grey deLisle-Griffin.  It’s really tough sometimes to tell the difference between when I’m holding back due to nerves, fears that I’ll screw up and everyone will hate me (or more likely I’ll be awkward and everyone will think I’m weird (and not worth working with)), and when the hesitation is actually practical, when I can’t squeeze out the time or I can’t afford it or (hardest of all) I’m not ready.

And DAMN the last one is the hardest, because so much of being “ready” is just nerve.  Sheer confidence often trumps actual skill, particularly in performance.  Which is not to say that skill and talent aren’t valued – quite the opposite.  The quality of talent can determine what kind of a career you have, but your boldness will be the make or break point of actually having a career.

When I went on mic in front of Grey it was hard to figure out which affected me more, performance nerves or the frosty cold booth.  (Grey commented on shaking my voice as if it were intentional…um it wasn’t an affect, it was effect but I don’t know what caused it.)  I decided to go with a character I’ve worked on before – ethereal, calm, wise – knowing that the challenge there is to get the life as big as any wacky, loud goofball.

The greater challenge was actually to put on a very slight British accent.  I wanted the character to have a polished sound, articulated and enunciating properly.  Right away Grey came back with instruction to put on a British accent.  I just wanted a “proper” sound, but I didn’t want to go full on Emma Thompson simply for fear of screwing up.

It’s continually a lesson to me when the note I’m given is to play a note I started out with for myself.  It’s like I’m waving at a place I want to go to and the direction comes back “Go to that place.”  Why didn’t I do that from the beginning?

So.  I’m never allowed to forget Grey offhandedly tossing out “the British accent is great” without a second thought and then moving on to other things.  It was fine.  I was fine.

Fear is stupid.

Connection is Participation

29 Friday May 2015

Posted by in Voice Over

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

,

I recently started up the habit of listening to one of Rob Paulsen’s Talkin’ Toons podcast per day, going all the way back to 2011. I’m often working out while I listen, but sometimes I’m cleaning. When I have absolutely nothing to occupy my body with I play mahjong on the computer while I listen.

I’m often laughing. I’m frequently moved and I’m always, always deeply impressed.

It’s a common refrain for Rob Paulsen and many of his guests that the best part of working in voice over is getting to work with wonderful people, many of whom become friends – if not family! And that’s something that I instantly loved about voice over, that sense of good people populating its ranks. It was true from the very first time I got connected with a VO actor (Stephanie Sheh) who patiently answered my questions for a half hour and showed me more than I think she realized from her professionalism to her generosity.

My VO acquaintances and friends are largely from among my classmates in the workshops I’ve taken in the last few years, and the camaraderie is unparalleled. There are some good folks I met in the theatre, don’t get me wrong. And there were some stand up people from the office jobs I’ve worked. But in the grown up world I just don’t expect people to drop what they’re doing to answer my silly questions or correct my assumptions. I expect honesty, sure, but I figure it’s always going to be couched in polite distance, if not some dismissiveness.  Encouragement and a helping hand are something else besides.

In VO it can be really tough to find work (how hard is it compared to acting in any other medium? I’m not sure it’s really that much harder but I’ve never tried crunching the numbers), but there’s rarely a shortage of people willing to trade supportive messages, sit down for some coffee or tea, offer advice or point to authorities that helped them out or generally give assistance to whatever degree possible. Over and over again voice actors go over and above to help out – just because they can. It’s easily my favorite part of voice acting.

I’m still very much in the process of finding my way but I like being able to point newer folks in directions that I think can help. I *love* being able to recommend friends to gigs, or gigs to friends.

Obviously the talent is paramount for being a good voice actor. But I think right on its heels is a personality that is low-b.s., highly supportive and patient. ❤

At Marc Cashman’s studio.

Days in Between

25 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by in Voice Over

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

Yesterday at the gym I got annoyed, I mean really pissed while working out on the cardio machine. Not all that far in I developed stomach cramps and generally felt crappy about pushing myself and sweating and carrying on doing the basics that theoretically will carry me to my goal of fitness and weight loss. I hit a point where the pain and distance to my goal caught up with my attitude and dragged it down into the dumps. It’s just frustrating to think all the effort and discomfort will really only have minimal effect – and only if I keep subjecting myself to it.

Slogging away on the machines at the gym I can just imagine the parallels between working out and working on my career as a voice actor. It’s easy enough to intellectually grasp that it’s going to take a lot of work for me to become a VO success; I’ve accepted that it’s going to take years. But it’s when I’m sweating and hurting and getting progressively irritated that I have real appreciation of just how long that is. (Well, ok VO work doesn’t usually hurt, though sweat is occasional, the pain tends to be more emotional.)

Anyone who’s ever tried acting – for any medium – knows it’s tough enough just to get cast, let alone make some money. It feels like there is a ton of rejection, but in fact it’s the deafening silence that can end up really soul-crushing. Some days I just have to ask myself if I secretly love punishing myself, a la Sisyphus, by pushing a metaphorical boulder up an unforgiving mountain.

There are days, though, when I can sense forward movement. When something heartening comes by and it doesn’t seem entirely hopeless. It’s when the workout doesn’t hurt all that much, and finishing the weight lift reps leaves me feeling stronger than before I started. It’s also when I see my name printed on a program for performing in a screenplay showcase or when I hand someone my brand new business card. It’s definitely in every compliment I get.

Off days, whether I’m making mistakes or I just can’t fight off self-doubt, are sure to come. Some days my body and my mind will gang up against my resolve and convince me to back off. But that’s part of the process of getting somewhere, I’m convinced. There’s the squishy way out – be nice to myself, take it easy and come back again later – which includes forgiving myself for taking the easy way. *shrug* I guess if it works, then that’s fine. But I’m trying to accomplish something and I don’t intend to make “trying” a way of life. I’m gonna do it.

So… there’s no conclusion to this. I go to the gym with the intention of getting fit; I pursue voice acting with the purpose of making it my career. That was my opening thesis and the long hard slog of days that don’t seem to get anywhere are as much a part of the work as the occasional successes.

Yesterday, on that &#$*!@% cardio machine I eased up and pushed through the whole program. I went through my stretches, carefully pushing back on the nausea and finally headed home. The shower afterwards felt heaven-sent.

My Voice Acting Guides

19 Tuesday Mar 2013

Posted by in Voice Over

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, ,

I am a voice actor. I don’t actually make any money at this yet, but the fact remains if you ask after my professed career I’m going to answer with voice over: cartoons, commercials, book narration, and documentaries.

The funny thing is, over the past year or so mentioning this has prompted several people to exclaim that it sounds like fun and how does one become a professional voice actor? Ah, well see the part where I don’t get paid? When I figure out how to change that I’ll be happy to tell anyone and everyone.

In the meantime, what I can share is the resources I’ve found that have helped me a bunch to get a handle on the industry as well as sharpen my game.

In the first place I should say that in order to be a voice actor I have to set aside all of my other approaches to performance and stagecraft and think of myself as an actor. I have spent a lot of time not doing that. Not just because I’ve spent the last few years stage managing and the occasional dramaturgical turn, but spending the large majority of my 20s not even doing any theatre. However, before that I got a BA in Theatre from USC. Because for the longest time while growing up and pushing my way into adulthood I knew that performing was where it was for me.

Not everyone gets into voice acting with an acting background, but most do. Frankly, I tend to think of voice actors as actors with a focus on voice over. It’s the same with actors who focus on on-screen performance in their professional careers. Studying for these first requires class time in an empty space, working with plays. Counting up all of my schooling, I put in something like 10 years doing that. And I wish I could have gotten a whole, whole lot more.

Anyway, since coming around to look at voice acting I’ve found a few teachers and other resources that have been immeasurably helpful.

Probably first and foremost has been Crispin Freeman’s classes, each of which I’ve taken at least twice. And I may take them some more. Maybe. }:> And I really can’t say enough good things about his podcast, Voice Acting Mastery. All very insightful and, at least for me, coming from a point of view that I can get with.

Crispin has broad background in voice so he can speak to a variety of VO projects, but his classes and podcast are focused on animation, in particular dubbing for anime and video games. Very simply, it’s because these areas are where his fanbase is and his classes are typically made up of fans of his who have an interest in voice acting. (The in-person classes are capped at eight people so the Venn diagram of fans and VO hopefuls only has to be so big.) This is just to say that you don’t have to be an anime fan to get a lot of mileage out of the class, but you might find yourself adrift in language that sort of sounds like English but doesn’t quite seem like it.

Check out the podcast, poke around the various topics and listen in to the interviews. That should reveal a lot about Crispin’s outlook and whether or not his teaching insight could help you as it has helped me.

Everyone else comes in…somewhere after. These are in no particular order.

I’ve started taking some coaching sessions with Juan Carlos Bagnell or Some Audio Guy in the last year. Juan has quite the take-no-prisoners approach to voice acting. Given he is a casting director and audio wiz, soft spots for flawed performances would cost him dearly so keeping that out of his booth is a matter of survival. However, he is also really – really – good at guiding the unwary noob actor to something that a pro should produce. For myself, I don’t relish getting beat up just because my work isn’t up to snuff, but I go back because I get better every time. That’s all there is to it.

Like people are talking to me now, demanding info on how to become a pro voice actor, I once talked to friends who made the mistake of mentioning somewhere near me that they were taking a look at voice acting. And from them I heard about David H Lawrence (XVII), his classes and insights. His blog and newsletter contain all sorts of tidbits of info all up and down the mechanical parts of voice over, from gear to financial considerations to industry details that can be very confusing.

His workshops are absolutely loaded information and are actually presented as a lecture with whatever visuals David can think up to further explain his point. These mechanical aspects are so easy to miss when you’re used to focusing on artistry and acting that it’s essential to have a resource like this. Over and over he has presented information that anticipated a question before I had even thought of it. For me, the down side is a lot of his workshops are repeated by request and so the ones I haven’t gotten to catch get harder and harder to get to as they get requested less and less. Also, and this is really a minor point when it comes to recommending, David’s artistic aesthetic and mine don’t mesh very well. It’s minor especially in David’s case because friends of mine have gotten a LOT out of his direction and on-mic instruction that they’re making money in this crazy VO world. So if money talks, then, hey, listen to them and get thee to a VO2gogo workshop. And even if you have cold feet about being directed by David, the on-mic portion of the class is actually separate from the lecture and admission is priced differently if you’re only auditing (listening) or also participating (going on mic). These days David has bunch of other offerings too, like video classes.

A really fun complement to Crispin’s classes has been the Adventures in Voice Acting workshops and workouts, led by Tony Oliver at one of the Bang Zoom! studios. A workshop is a day long class that goes back and forth between a sort of a lecture and booth time. The information and experience relates heavily to anime dubbing and video game voicing, hence complementing (for me) the lessons from Crispin’s classes. Tony has extensive voice acting credits himself, but he’s also put in a hell of a lot of time in the director’s seat. This has put in him at the perfect position to move a production through the breakneck pace necessary to meet logistical needs and still coax out terrific performances from actors.

If I may, he’s also a dear. Now, I don’t actually know him outside of these classes and workouts (no lecturing, just go-go-go! in the studio) and I don’t mean to say that the other teachers I list here aren’t supportive and warm – quite the opposite or I expect they wouldn’t have taken up teaching! But Tony has surprised me more than once with a hug and a couple of words of praise. An actor who goes around looking for support and praise is just setting herself up to be horribly, horribly disappointed, that’s simply a fact. But still, having Rick Hunter tell you you’ve got some game goes a hell of a long way toward keeping your spirits up!

Over and over I heard that the chops honed by improv would be called into service while in the booth. For that I looked for an improv class and Crispin recommended his teacher, Melanie Chartoff. I actually wrote an blog entry a while ago on my experience in just one class session. It was inspired by having to face exactly those factors that had kept me away from improv for a very long time. A lot about its demands scare the crap out of me. But it’s for that reason that taking the classes was so necessary for me; avoiding weaknesses and fears never helped anyone grow and I’m deeply indebted to Melanie for giving me the tools to handle situations that once would have left me frozen and lost inside my own head.

Melanie runs a regular improv class with games for a group to play in a given space. She also has an occasional on-mic class where we work one at a time on a piece of text to bring out the most heart in it. This has been incredibly instrumental in learning to suss out the emotions of a piece or as Melanie put it, to fall in love with every word.

Other than asking friends who they were studying with I also took to the Internet to hunt down classes. Web searches for coaching etc was pretty overwhelming but I was also poking around at various voice actors’ Web sites and Wikipedia entries. One of my college professors pointed me toward Lynnanne Zager, who was teaching at Kalmenson & Kalmenson. I also found that Steve Staley taught there, which pretty much settled me up for taking a class there. The funny thing is, I didn’t ever get a class with Lynnanne, though I did get to meet her once and we had a nice little chat in the hallway at K&K. Instead I ended up taking their commercial voice acting classes I & II and animation with Melique Berger.

It’s two different things to talk about the K&K curriculum and Melique. The Kalmenson’s are very particular about how they think things ought to be and their instructors are there to make sure their method is implemented without fail. Their method does help to break down a piece of copy very quickly and leads folks new to commercial VO to make decisions quickly and commit to them fully. I think this is the only place I’ve taken classes where it wasn’t assumed that I walked in with at least a minimal appreciation of acting. That is, the K&K method really is a technique that they teach, much like Meisner or Adler technique, that is supposed to open up a performance to truthful expression. It …does and doesn’t help. Again, I can’t argue with numbers and plenty of their alumni have gotten paying work. And in fact, there’s an aspect the helps me the most when I’m tired and distracted that puts my head back where it’s supposed to be. And since it was developed specifically for dealing with commercial copy it helps a lot for those nuggets of advertising that are supposed to be subtle in drawing a listener’s attention but are as gentle as a chainsaw. Anyway, the VA I&II classes I definitely recommend. It’s a great way to learn how to handle material that is much trickier than it looks. Oh, I also took their Demo Prep class. That was where I got to study with Steve Staley. He cracks me up – he’s a total, total actor, and I wish I could take more classes or coaching or whatever with him. Or just get to sit in on a session while he’s in the booth. Jeez, his acting is so clear and amazing I learned more from watching him goof around with copy for a few minutes than I picked up in many hours of other classes.

Now, Melique cracks me up, but it’s intentional on her part. }:> When I first showed up to VO1 I was fighting off a zillion nerves – the same that go nuts anywhere I’m somewhere new. I’m pretty sure she keyed into this pretty fast, she reads most people in about three seconds flat. And I have to say, if there is one antidote to nerves it’s laughing my butt off. Melique made it easy to get along and get right down to brass tacks. It doesn’t take much for voice acting to become nerve racking, getting flustered and loss of confidence are continuous threats. They are most directly combated with experience, a distinct irony for a voice acting greenhorn. So I loved getting to work with Melique because I forgot to be nervous and remembered to kick my game into gear.

I think that’s it for teachers. But I want to make sure I give props to a book & Web site, Voice Over Voice Actor, by Yuri Lowenthal and Tara Platt. The background info, the tips and suggestions are all super useful and it’s written at a really fun and easy pace. (I’ve tried reading a few other VO texts and they’re typically dry as heck.) Just check the blurbs – some of the biggest names in VO are recommending this book, so don’t just take my word for it. There’s also a CD Yuri and Tara developed to lead vocal warm ups and exercises which has also been very helpful to me.

The last item on my list of resources for keeping my drive and chops up is the most enduring: keeping up with classmates and friends in theatre and voice acting spheres. It’s terrific getting to watch my friends’ careers take off. I’m not gonna lie, envy is a real thing, but it’s so easy to turn it into admiration when we have something in common and it feels like someone from my tribe is doing well. When I hear a friend in a voice over spot or see someone I know in a commercial I love getting to post on their facebook or send them a tweet congratulating them. When I can remember working with them it’s really inspiring to me and I mean every word of praise I get to pass on to them. When I get tired or get a bit turned around after spending a lot of time working on something that isn’t voice over, it’s usually catching up with these people that gets me back on the path I’ve set out for myself.

I don’t know how I’ll get there or where there is, but I know I have great company.

On the Marks

08 Monday Oct 2012

Posted by in Voice Over

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

Today my throat hurts. So today I’ll write about voice acting instead of actually doing it. I haven’t put myself to work on voice for a while. I’ve taken some classes here and there but let auditioning dribble off to almost none – despite seeking more information on where I could go to find more opportunities.

In cases like this I want to explain why, but I don’t have a good explanation. It was hot? I really can’t say. I took a workshop at Bang Zoom! through their voice acting class/lesson program, Adventures in Voice Acting back in July and took another one yesterday. And both days I came away exhausted but happy. And seriously thinking about what I wanted to do next with my career.

I am a bit perturbed that I really didn’t do much for the career in between dates. There isn’t a lot to dig into. I make up my schedule as I go along so I just have to make up the time to work and then stick to it. But…also… there’s just the step that is putting myself out there. I keep finding reasons not to take it. Every once in a while I send out my demo or put together an audition at home. But I’m not making it a habit.

The only explanation is fear, even though I don’t feel afraid. But sometimes I don’t feel tired, I just notice I don’t have energy. Or I don’t notice how stressed I am but I have trouble catching my breath. Maybe it’s simple fear of change. I’d have to quit a lot of simple luxuries and treat myself like an employed person – even without an income for a while to come. It doesn’t make any sense to not just do the work in front of me. But I never make much sense to myself.

It’s past time I took all of that, all of myself in hand and pushed onward.

Amazing people are doing really cool things and there are zero reasons I couldn’t be one them.

Finding the Wrong Way and Working Backwards

21 Wednesday Dec 2011

Posted by in Voice Over

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

,

Never give in — never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. –Winston Churchill

At Whitechapel, the only real Web forum in which I participate, some of us have taken stock of our lives and felt a bit frustrated all over again to see we’re not at all close to where we figured we should be at our age(s).  Several of us are staring down, if not fully ensconced in, middle age and reliant on someone else to help us get through everyday, whether its parents, spouses, housemates, etc.

It’s not just the frustration of trying to keep the momentum of a career going during tough economic times, many of us already got kicked around town by that particular bitter pill, but now we’re trying to get a new career going.  Many of us (because it’s Whitechapel and this is the sort of folks we are) are having a go at careers that involve artistic ability.  Man, talk about all around asking for negative judgment.  Subject: 35, lives with parents, limited background for but seeking paying projects in creative writing, acting, photography or graphic design.  Even I’m trying not to scream “get a job, ya bum!” and that’s pretty much my life.

I guess at no point in career counselling did anyone promise the line would be straight and clear between getting an education and securing an income, but then again no one ever mentioned it would be so murky, confusing, and rife with soft spots where a person could get awfully stuck.  Pushing your art as a service means running your work like a business and oddly enough it’s a rare curriculum that teaches artists/actors/musicians/writers how to do this.  There’s practical advice, here and there, but advice lacks the regimentation of study and is often contradictory.  What I mean is, I learn lessons from a classroom more clearly and for longer than advice I run across at receptions or on Twitter.

Of course, the reason advice is contradictory and isn’t subject to any kind of review is because these careers don’t have single correct path for advancement.  There just isn’t one and maybe there simply couldn’t be one.  There are many, possibly even one for every individual.  (Ugh, what an annoying thought, moreso because that’s probably the most accurate way to think of it.)  Everyone has to blaze their own trail because achieving success isn’t about getting to a virtual territory where all the pros are, but securing a professional status for oneself.  In other words, even though we think about it as traveling the better metaphor is evolution.  You become what you’re aiming for.

Oh well, all I’m trying to aim at saying is that I don’t know what are the wrong methods of going about this.  But what I have learned, and had confirmed for me by people who would know, is that a certain false path is giving up.  The only way to fail to get to where you’re going is to just not try.  Even if I put all my effort into this crazy career of mine and get hit by a bus before ever landing a paying gig, is that really failure?  I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to be sure I’m not any good at voice acting is if I quit before I get anywhere.

Acting and Theatre: When Plan C is Really Plan A but Better

06 Sunday Nov 2011

Posted by in Theatrical, Voice Over

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

It’s only when friends remark that I light up when talking about acting or theatre, or when someone notes that I’ve seemed a lot happier and more energetic over the last few months than I did for many years previous that I notice that, in general, I am a lot happier these days.

It’s stunning how obvious it should have been. I didn’t get a degree in theatre thinking it would make me rich; I didn’t even think I could make it a full time job. I did it because it was the only thing I really, really wanted to keep on studying. I wanted to keep on doing theatre, investigating, practicing it, creating it. I enjoyed acting (but detested, and detest, memorizing lines); I enjoyed researching the history and critical theory of theatre; I enjoyed creating in a space, in a time, with people that would all come together only the once and never again be exactly the same. I figured I was good at it and could give something to the discipline.

I forgot all that for a while. Somehow, in the ordinary way that tends to happen, I wrapped up college in a damn hurry to find reliable pay – and the more elusive it was the more the view of my future became tunnel vision with a paycheck as my goal. Eventually I did find a full time salaried gig and set about trying to become an adult. It worked, maybe too well. Of course, I meant to try to get back to theatre somehow, but my attempts were desultory and I didn’t get anywhere (largely due to not knowing where to start with nothing but a degree going for me). In the meantime I worked the dayjob and I became like so many working stiffs: content to pursue a paycheck as evidence of my worth, saving up vacation days for travel, budgeting for little luxuries, contributing to charities when disaster struck, bestowing Christmas presents on family and friends…. And living with a mild depression that I assumed was just part and parcel of life.

Hearing things like “everyone hates their job” and having no reason to think that there was anything wrong with being gainfully employed, I didn’t second guess the continual dark clouds and bad mood that accompanied me more often than not. In retrospect, even the diagnosis of dysthemia had a way locking me in place, but that’s really only from one point of view. It has actually helped me to understand what is going on with me; why I passed so many days feeling emotionally submerged. Knowing the name of a problem goes a long way toward dealing with the problem. But now I have to explain to myself why the persistent bleakness isn’t quite so persistent these days.

I admit, that’s not really a problem. It’s good to know that when I’m busy and stressed anxiety kicks up and that can trip the darkness into central focus. It’s not that a situation is really that tough; it’s just my wiring over-reacting to difficult situations, trying to protect me from hard, scary things. My immune system does the same thing when I’m around cats.

But it’s been fascinating, hell, wonderful to find that the love I have for performing comes out even when I’m just sitting around talking about something I saw on stage or heard about theatre or experienced that in some way connects to that communion I was always wanted when I first fell for the theatre.

It’s a little funny, largely ironic, that friends who’ve known me for a while get taken by surprise by how much more energetic I am when I’m going on about a play or my theatre company or my latest forays into voice over. I didn’t notice the difference until it was pointed out; and friends didn’t know there could be a difference. I didn’t realize sleep would be more effective, that my mind would pay better attention or that I could give up caring about the myriad bullshit limitations in my way made of business appropriate clothing, business appropriate language, gym memberships, cash for happy hour, best practices, SLAs, PowerPoint, Excel, networking with Sales and touching base with managers and that it would make me feel like weights had come off my legs.

It’s the difference between unemployment and looking for another office job and unemployment but redirecting my career into voice over, while tackling various theatre projects and learning Japanese. I get stressed out (and thus anxious and thus a bit bleak) sometimes, but I also have something to look forward to.

Amanda Palmer likes to say “fuck plan B” by way of encouraging people to heed their calling. Basically, it involves not taking a day job to support one’s artistic habits, but to dive in and create without concern for pesky details like rent or health coverage. It’s a strategy so straightforward it risks being reckless and sloppy and plenty of folks, including friends of hers, have noted its short comings and unvoiced assumptions. Somehow you make your way…well, how? Parents pay for it? Or a spouse? Or you take on massive debt and potentially cripple yourself in financial, healthful, social and other dimensions? I could never have done it. When I graduated from college I was desperate for paying work, as I said, even if I could have just hung with my parents and let them pay my way while I figured what Step 2 was.

But while plan B helped me live on my own during the time I worked plan B, but it never worked out for me to get me anywhere else. Plan A had a critical problem in that I couldn’t figure out how to do shit without money. So this, then, must be plan C, a reiteration of plan A but with (hopefully) a better perspective and more carefully laid steps. An actual plan this time instead of a dream. A scheme to meet my responsibilities with skill and talent that make me happy to do the job.

This is how I consider voice acting – a means to an end. A little of column A and a little of column B. It’s made of the effort to make use of my theatre degree and the need to meet my responsibilities as an adult.

Yeah, I light up when I talk about theatre, about rehearsal, critical theory, dramaturgy, acting, staging, storytelling, all of it! It makes perfect sense when I admit it’s what I was supposed to be doing all along. And if I never* have to work in someone else’s cubicle farm to promote someone else’s products, where my pay is the sum total of my investment in that project, it’ll be too soon.

 

*Do I think I can turn down a handsomely rewarded temp office gig, should one show up? NO! I’m an adult, I have bills to pay. But dammit, it’s time to be clear about my goals.

Idling, Demo is a Go

18 Tuesday Oct 2011

Posted by in Voice Over

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

,

I’ve posted my commercial demo to the Audio page.  So long as I don’t think too deeply I like it.  It was a peculiar day when I got it back.

On first hearing the whole thing I really liked it.  Hell, to me, it sounded darned  professional!  I try not to get snowed by production & sound design.  That part had better sound good, considering what it cost and the big time reputation of my producer. But the part that I have to measure is my own performance, and  it’s the most important part of the demo, considering that, not the design, is what will get me hired.  And so, on first listen, I thought it worked.  Then I listened to it again and I was sure it was terrible.  I choked and wavered and just sounded weird.

After a quick little panic attack I remembered that I’m not the best immediate judge of my own work.  There was a reason I had aimed to solicit thoughts from pros and friends alike.  They would check my blind spots and give me a reality check.  And they did – even if asking five people got me seven or eight different opinions – I got some solid criticism and a satisfactory number of thumbs-up.

Squishy-but-true: I got to play my demo for my mom.  When it was done she turned to me with an impish smile and said, “hey that was good!”  It was then I realized that my mom hadn’t really seen or heard me perform since high school, quite possibly earlier (I really can’t remember).  She helped me out with my Theatre degree, she’s helping me with VO classes and some of my tools at home… but she doesn’t actually know what I can do.  Well, now she has an idea.  Still.  My mom like my demo.  That feels awesome.

Yep, I’ve been sitting on it, letting myself get distracted.  I don’t have much to say for myself on that front.  Just…don’t tell my mom ok?  I’m getting a move on, I promise.